I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
