she woke up with a sticky ear
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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