my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
