He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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