Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
