for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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