You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
