theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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