For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
