I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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