weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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