The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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