just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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