I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm bleeding and have questions
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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