Duck Duck Cougar?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
