His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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