Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
