She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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