First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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