What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize