And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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