How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
