I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
