I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
