so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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