i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
