i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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