ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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