and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
