I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize