i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
