ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize