you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
