I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I believe in your delicious
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