i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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