they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
