He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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