hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
