i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
