I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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