So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my being single is dangerous.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
