Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
