You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
