I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
