Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
