I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to calm my uterus...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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