dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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