I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
