HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
