I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize