the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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