just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
