when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
