At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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