I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
