Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
