He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
