I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
