dude i'm inner monologue high
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
