I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
