i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
