just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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