conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
two words...techno handjob
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
