No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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