I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
