Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
