well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
