i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
