You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
