I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wish there were birth control emojis
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
