I met the friendliest cop last night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
