You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it's like iHOP with fire
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
