is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sarcasm needs its own font
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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