Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
