maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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