why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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