i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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