im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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