after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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