u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
