Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
