My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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