...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
