she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
