in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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