Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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