i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your penis caused this!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
