and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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