..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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