I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
