My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My penis needs a shock collar
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
