I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
