if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
