i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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