Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
