I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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