You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize