I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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