Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize