Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
