I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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