Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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