He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
